Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you had me at cake vodka
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
