uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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