Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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