Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
