am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
