Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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