I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she peed on how many people?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
