but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
