giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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