I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
