I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
