THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
