Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
