Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
