fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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