i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
