don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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