Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize