im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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