I got chris browned last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
