I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize