We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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