i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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