is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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