btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
