party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
