I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Pooping to opera.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
