I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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