Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
