So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
