I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
