so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
