A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
