After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
