u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
