I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
