There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
