I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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