So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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