If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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