first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
