By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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