Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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