I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize