its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I smell like Dick and happiness
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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