your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
