My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
