I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
