Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
that may or may not have been my penis.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
