We won't sleep together?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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