And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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