How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize