i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
