You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
