in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
