Tell her she can't have a vagina
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
