I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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