weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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