God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
