Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
