What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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