she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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