"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So many bounce houses so little time
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
