so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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