If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
