I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
