Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
