You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
