is your mom at the bar?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
