i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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