3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
