I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
soo... how was my night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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