Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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