My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
